Posted in being sensitive

The Top 10 Things That Happen to a Sensitive When She Moves

I just finished a HUGE move from quiet to noisy, to alone to full, to hot to cold. As a sensitive, I keep adjusting and trying to remind myself to take it slow and have awareness my sensitive system is different then most. It is frustrating because I want to just zoom ahead, but my body is talking. Here is what I am learning — my Top 10.

  1. It takes longer for me to adjust to EVERYTHING regarding sounds, senses, feelings. I need to remind myself that it takes longer. My environment is different than my space I had for five years and it is a big change.
  2. I still overload with lots of people if I don’t practice self-care. It is a challenge because I am outgoing and want to socialize most the time, but my sensitive system NEEDS downtime and PROCESS time. When I find myself screaming “Why is there so many people!” it is pretty much a clear indication I need a time-out. I am afraid those around me won’t understand why I keep disappearing, but I might just need to educate them.
  3. I can’t find things half the time from the move, and that adds to my frustration. I like to have order in my own space to keep the order inside me. I am one of those folks that expect the boxes to all be unpacked in a week. I need to lower my expectations for one thing.
  4. By changing one big thing, it has a ripple effect. The rest of my life wants change across the board. I just need to listen more intently to that “small, still voice” that is talking to me. I feel that voice wants me to be truer to myself and include me in the equation of giving what I need to myself vs. so much out.
  5. The sounds are different. That affects me more than I know. (Although I do love the sounds of the crows.)
  6. I love the people around me now but I still need that quiet process time or I get seriously BITCHY. I need to see that as a warning sound. The FOREST is in my backyard. I need to spend more time there.
  7. It helps to have my “things” around me — that special mug, that marker set, that squishy pillow. That makes a world of difference in my space.
  8. I have a hard time navigating the streets and the traffic. I lived in such a rural area with NO TRAFFIC AT ALL, I need to give myself time to adjust. I am used to the mean streets of Jersey, but that was a long time ago when I drove there.
  9. I must resist the urge to live in Barnes and Noble. Just because it is nearby does not mean I need to go there every day. I think. Kinda. Well, maybe I can declare it an office space.
  10. My lifetime lesson of learning boundaries is being put into place. The greatest gift I can give myself and others is declaring those boundaries when I need them the most. That is unapologetically stating when I need time and space alone, and declaring my space hands-off and private.

How about you? What helps you in a big move or great transitions?

Until next time,

Fairy blessings, Dear Ones,

designingfairysig

Posted in being sensitive

When You Come Last or How to Not Become a Resentful Jerk

whenyoucomelast

I am exploring an old pattern.

When I was a little fairy, my loving Mom instilled in me to not be “selfish.” These lessons included putting others’ needs first, thinking about others’ feelings (hard not to when you are a raging empath), and watch to make sure you weren’t totally self-involved. We are raised by religion to always be of service and help others. I think I took it too far.

I give too much

My old pattern manifests itself as whiny “what about me?!” It isn’t pretty. It can be more quiet where I just whine and feel pity on myself acting like the girl who didn’t get asked to dance. Or it looks like ugly anger and resentment like, “Why isn’t anyone buying my stuff, dammit! Hello! What are you blind?” Or, those glorious slow seething blow-up moments where I want to pop barbie heads off and cry into my water when I find out only four people on Facebook Business page saw my post I labored on (thank you Facebook for limiting my reach only if I pay you money).

I have had slow moments in the past year where I barely had money for food and yet I was giving out a ton. That’s truly a large red flag I ignored.

I guess it is the “selfish” that tells me I need to keep giving to get, which I guarantee creates one heck of an energetic imbalance, and a giant hole within all areas of my life. In those moments, I think that is the only formula I have, but even in marketing we are told we need to share, share, share. The current trend lately is to give out FREE seminars, FREE everything to get business. (Did we all grow up with the same messed up beliefs?)

The problem is I like to give. I love to nurture and share. I have so much creative energy it feels foreign not to do six creative projects at once and share all of it. But I need to recognize when I am giving too much out and not getting what I need. My fabulous loved one reminded me the other day that I needed to take time out to give to myself. How sad I forgot and needed that reminder. I need to learn how to watch that energy pendulum for myself or I won’t have anything left to give. Examples are flooding my mind. I have this image of a child playing too long in the Arizona sun without enough water and falling over because he forgot to drink. Or my cell phone draining of energy and I can’t use it because it needs to be recharged into the wall. Do I yell at the kid he’s selfish or needy? How about the phone? He needs water to continue and the phone needs the charger. Why wouldn’t I have needs for my business or my personal time to keep going?

I am shifting this!

I guess it is a little like watching my milk intake and being vocally clear what I need. I have no problem with that one. I can tell a waiter, “No cheese please.” I don’t make excuses or whine, or cry about how I don’t matter, I just order. I need to express those limits and healthy boundaries. I need to make limits on how much I can give.

I wonder why it is so hard for me to learn how to ask for what I need and expect I will get it. Why is it so much easier to just take care of others? But the funny thing is, and I will let you know a little secret, I am happiest when my needs are met (like duh). When I am a little selfish  self-taking care of, it is kinda glorious. Having alone time in the forest, being able to write and make movies or design, makes me really, really happy. And when I am really, really happy, I am delightful to be around. I can give a lot and then I inspire those around me. The more I take care of me, the more I have to give. I am like my cell phone at full charge! And when I am neglected and not getting when I need, but still trying, and still giving out, I am, well, let’s admit it, a very cranky and whiny fairy. Yuck.

So there that overly-giving part of me! Do you hear all that?! It’s not selfish, it’s actually making me more helpful to others. It’s necessary! It’s how this thing should work.

Next time I feel empty, and I can’t pay bills, and I am giving and sharing, and I am invisible, and my needs matter the least, I will not whine and cry, it will be a clear sign I forgot to take care of myself. I will have to pry my tight, gripping hands from the sharing pattern for a moment. And a clear energetic symptom that I am on the right track will be I will feel lighter and freer and feel relief. I am lightening my load. I am back on track again.

What do you think? Have you had this experience too?

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Speaking of sharing, last session of Fairy and Empath Online classes start on Friday. I will be teaching creative classes over on my art site, but many classes here will be retired. Did you reserve your spaces? The catalog is here.

Posted in being sensitive, empath, Empath skills, empaths, sensitivity, spiritual guidance, spiritual lessons

The Right Help and Avoiding Confusion for the Sensitive

justfairyonpaper2

I am seriously confused.

It’s partly from the allergens that are flying around in my house. My cooler–it’s an Arizona thing that wets the dry air while cooling the environment–hasn’t been cleaned in at least five years I’ve been here so it’s making my head really foggy every time it spits out air with gunk. So I called up my landlords and they immediately responded because they are fabulous. At first, they thought they would have to brainstorm how to clean out this moldy cooler, so I thought I would have to wait awhile, sneezing. But then I got a call from them that an expert would be coming to clean out the ducts and make my life easier to breathe. This expert specializes in cleaning out coolers of allergens. It was the perfect solution and the landlords knew where to go for help.

That experience lit a lightbulb up in my head. I have always given myself a hard time for not succeeding at times in business matters and that’s because I would go for help in the wrong places. I wouldn’t have the right answers. I would flounder about and get lost in shame. After all, I am a Capricorn and we are supposed to be good at everything. (ha ha) But what if it’s not the right help?

Screen Shot 2014-12-03 at 9.05.04 AM

A couple of times lately I have seen in action just the right piece show up for friends that they needed, but I have also seen in my life the opposite, where the wrong help creates more confusion.

I remember graduating from the Grad School program and having pretty much having vague help finding a job. I was told my skills and resume were fabulous and would have no problem finding something, but where/how wasn’t clear, except to look at a list of job search places to tackle. When what you do is so out of the box it is difficult to have a clear map. I always joke about wishing I was an accountant because the path is so clearcut. I’d go to school for a clear program, find jobs in accountant offices, and DONE. Vague help is the worst because it doesn’t provide you with specific steps. It’s almost like giving you directions to a house by saying, “Yeah, it’s somewhere over there.” Where? To the right of there or the left of there?

I have seen in others what happens when they have the wrong help. Trying to create something they bring in the wrong person who can’t really solve their particular problem and they make a bigger mess.

So what is the right help? First, I need to get very clear what is needed. That isn’t always easy. Often you are so overloaded that there are too many pieces floating around your head. It’s hard to pinpoint what the problem is or what you are needing. You know you need help with being healthy, but does that look like going on a diet? Starting a workout program? Going to do a doctor? What is the specific issue? I think I run into having too broad a problem. You can relate? And then overwhelm happens because there’s too much to tackle at once, and as a sensitive, I am already overloaded with stimuli and information ALL THE TIME.

So I write down very specifically what the issue is. The cooler was easy. It’s concrete. I know when the cooler turns on I sneeze, so that thing must be dirty. I then need to find someone who can clean out a dirty cooler. But what about more complicated questions like, how do I bring in more money? Or how do I bring in more peace to the household? Etc. etc. Those questions are trickier.

I am learning…

Sometimes having the right help is about lightening the load. You can’t do it all. (My Capricorn inner self just cringed.) You can’t be everything to everybody, you need to bring in assistance. Find what solves that particular problem– be very specific, research, ask around, and zero in on that one thing at one time to avoid overwhelm.

Until next time,

designingfairysig

Posted in being sensitive, empath

Mandatory Weekly Check-in for the Sensitive

mandatory

I can’t be on Facebook all day.

I’m definitely a leader, not a follower. I have had many part-time jobs in my lifetime that I “failed” at because I was asked to be a  follower, and I just wanted to break out of that box and design a new one. (One of my first jobs was at a newspaper, and I got strongly lectured because I tried to design some ads when I was only the “typographer.”)

I hate when folks give me advice that is black and white that throws the baby out with the bath water (oh wow, that is one creepy expression.) I then feel trapped with no suggestions how to get out. This goes along with the “break out of the box” redesign thinking, I would guess.

I only know all of this from observation from when I finally checked in this week with myself. Now, it’s not always possible to do so when you are surrounded by people, but I realized this is mandatory for me.

As an empath, I am a pleaser and I have “mold disease.” I listen to everyone for advice and merge with most of the folks I interact with, and by the end of the week I have moments where I’m like, “Who the %$# am I?” And I get confused. And I think how everyone else is thinking. So I wrote that long list of how I felt. Now what I SHOULD felt, or what is NICE to feel, but how I honestly feel. Because when I am around stronger personalities, I think I should feel what they feel and I can get knocked about. And then I have to remind myself that I am a leader myself and a very strong person, and I am not a six-year-old child who needs to listen to anyone who seems like an authority. Oh yeah, right.

And some of what I realized writing that list is I really disagreed with how others felt, and that was okay. IT IS OKAY. Because being responsible for me includes making sure I know what I need and feel, so others aren’t stuck with the burden of trying to take care of my needs. And we can think differently, and see things differently.

I’ve written before about needing a lot of physical space, but I think the bigger need is EMOTIONAL SPACE. I can get that emotional space back by making a list of how I feel. I am no longer cramped. My stomach doesn’t hurt anymore (big red flag). I don’t have to feel what everyone is feeling, and what they want me to feel, and what they think I should do or what I need. Or maybe, they don’t even want me to feel anything, but I empathically feel they would like it if I did.

Most empathic folks are very strong. If we can take on that much emotional stuff from others and the world, PLUS our own stuff, WE ARE STRONG! We do double duty, right? When we drop down into our KNOWING, we make choices and decisions that are right for us. We don’t have to explain it, we just KNOW what fits, because we know ourselves.

SUGGESTED ACTIVITY: Make sure you have a Weekly Check-in this week. I often play in my sketchbook and do a RECAP of the week to reflect and process all that has happened. I start out my list “I am feeling…” and the surprises clear out all that isn’t mine.

Happy list-making.

designingfairysig

Posted in being sensitive, empath, empaths, spiritual guidance, thoughts of a sensitive

A Message For You: When Things Ain’t Moving

When you are pulled back in six thousand ways.

When what you are doing doesn’t work.

When it all feels like an uphill battle.

What worked before isn’t working.

It’s time to rest. Time to regroup. Time to follow what excites you NOW. Follow the new breadcrumbs. And the biggest message is:

squeezing