I write about being sensitive and creative and share my journey over on my new book’s website: Check out my posts over on my Idea Emporium book website. I just wrote about blocks to being creative. Go here.
I’ve been learning a great deal about valuing what I do and offer. I’m involved in a big shift. Years ago, when I went to Grad School I experienced a new way of looking at things. When I was there I saw myself in a different light. I expanded. (Well, I did gain five pounds while going there but that is another story.) When I say I expanded, I meant I was in my BIGNESS as biz coach Fabeku lovingly calls it. I was in my bigger soul self. Before where I overlooked my intelligence, here it was mirrored back to me. My talents were clear. My direction picture perfect. But most importantly, I felt HOPEFUL, OUT OF THE BOX THINKING self, anything is possible, excited. My picture of myself changed. Like those popular memes going around Facebook, the tiny cat saw the lion. After I graduated I took a fun job that I really enjoyed creating original, creative marketing but I stayed a bit small.
My Full Sail Shift is upon me again. I being asked to think bigger and to truly value what I do, and the challenge to stay out of smallness even though there isn’t a FULL SAIL to mirror that back to me. I just need to remember how that felt. (And lean on my friends to remind me).
Looking through my old posts, I was struck how often I have written about this topic here. I am guessing a repeat lesson for me! Duh Ronni! Here are a few of my past posts that also cover this topic nicely.
My Healing Fairy Alphabet site is coming along nicely with my new attached store for my artwork and goodies growing nicely too. Go visit and shop over here. You can preorder the new TWIGS book too. There’s a party happening over there! Can you feel it?
For anyone who has ever felt not enough:
New short film:
If you’d like to donate for my video-making fund: DONATE HERE
Share if you want…your Not Enough experiences. Better yet, your More Than Enough experiences below in the comments.
I was guided this weekend to head over to my local Goodwill shop. Now this wasn’t twisting my arm, because I LOVE that store treasure-hunting. Their book selections are hit or miss and I was grateful I landed on a day that was a HIT. Apparently, someone who is into psychic communication and other forms of healing cleaned out their bookshelf. I found several books that would assist me in what I want to teach right now including color healing and a few books on boundary setting, which is perfect for those that are sensitive.
The book on boundaries, Boundaries with Relationships by Charles T. Whitfield, has some excellent tools, but perusing through it, I noticed I didn’t feel as excited as I did when I was reading the color healing books. Was the info bringing up too much upset? I could feel a ton of anger rise from inside of me from the many times I allowed others to trample or ignore my boundaries. I also felt a little slimed; even negative. What was happening?
I slept on it. No, literally. Woke up this morning and the book was under my butt, as well as my glasses that looked a little mushed out of place. Perhaps I was integrating the material more. But I also had a new awareness of why I felt uncomfortable. Many self help books are designed to package a set of tools. There are some good ones out there that present them well. After reading this one, I felt labeled, “bad,” (and there were plenty of examples given of what is good and what is bad). Crap, everyone has acted the bad part. Talk about unattainable.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some excellent parts of the book also, but the slimey feeling was what I wanted to look at.
Guidance this morning was very clear: Focus on the solution and you feel empowered. Focus on the problem, and you are stuck IN the problem.
I see this when folks post videos or comments about what is happening that is wrong on this planet, whether genetically-altered food or bad politics. Hearing that news is like hearing about a case of animal abuse. I am left feeling upset, angry, and helpless against the problem. Helpless = slimed.
I like books and teaching that do not keep me stuck in a label, but helps me get out of that hole into a new role. I’m really digging Julia Cameron’s book, Prosperous Heart right now. I concluded that she teaches like how I want to, by story, and then by supplying a tool to help you empower yourself or shift your thinking. In her exercises, I focus on what I want and I feel hopeful and excited, versus what is not working. I don’t look at lack of abundance, but about what I want to create and the small doable steps. It is important to go back to the past for answers and beliefs that don’t work for you, but I sure don’t want to stay there. Reading her book, I am not labeled BAD because I SHOULD have more if I was just doing the SECRET right. I think I had the same reaction to that line of thinking while reading the Boundaries book. There are enormous amounts of labels, time periods for how long it would take for when I was ‘better,” and most everyone I know are moving very fast right now in their healing beyond any so-called timetables. No one heals when they are stuck under a label, especially when they stay in their pain.
Perhaps it is my upbringing that is the button being pressed here. We were raised with psychology night and day. My father is a psychologist, my mother was a social worker. We were punished or admonished by psychological terms and labels. I would have preferred just being yelled at. Either way, what it produced in me at the time was a sense of dis-empowering; it was just another way to feel shame. I suppose it has the same effect as different educational programs that “weed” out people so only the strong can survive. I went to one design program that set impossible expectations and deadlines and gave out ample criticism. I walked away with not tools, but panic attacks. When I switched to a more unconventional college in another state, expression was valued, grades went from only A to C. The program was not only doable, but fun. And the result? I thrived! In fact, I still feel great love when I think about it. The school focused on the attributes of the students and brought them out (the solution).
Having any problem now, I want to focus on what tools I need now to create solution and that will give me more hope and self power. That’s moving forward out of the hole.
Cute fun size
Buy the paper version: Paper coil-binded and printed version pocketbook (5.5″ x 4.25″) size, with shipping $23.99: Buy here.
When you are sensitive, you can feel someone else’s mood a mile away, and it affects you like it would the smell of bad perfume. I learned an important lesson yesterday I wanted to share about setting boundaries and bad moods.
I took a detour yesterday and went to a different post office then my cozy, friendly one. I had to send a package via Customs and waited patiently in line. I had a few more packages fumbling under my arm that had to go to the States.
When I made my way to the Teller I felt it: Bad mood.
She looked at my package and told me curtly that it needed a Customs form. She talked to me like I was a moron and I was purposely insulting her. She then threw the form at me with no directions and brushed me away. Thinking logically, I asked her if I could just pay for the other packages and then fill out the form and she said no twice. That wasn’t how it was done.
The form came in a little booklet with lots of pages and made very little sense when you are in a hurry. I filled out the end form thinking that was the procedure and went back in line to face her again. This time I had the growing sensation of insecurity building up inside of me. “Was I stupid?” I stopped my train of thought quickly and sized up the situation. No, this woman had a “everyone is a moron but me” attitude going that I did not appreciate and it was affecting how I felt. I almost took it on.
Back in front of her, I lost my temper when she chastised me for only filling out the last form, without realizing that it was a duplicate and I should have filled out the first form.
“How the hell would I know that?” I snapped at her. I had been virally affected by her bad mood, and now I was hostile and on the defensive.
I walked away back to the desk to fill out the form “right.” That’s when the aha moment arrived. Eureka! I could walk away. I could take my stuff and go to another post office or even wait for another teller in line. I mumbled this out loud. I didn’t have to put up with her bad treatment or the bad mood she was flinging at others! I also didn’t have to get involved with defending myself or confronting her and showing her what she was doing. That wasn’t my job.
That’s when the Universe rewarded me immediately for my new lesson learned. The woman was so riled she walked into the back and was replaced by another teller who now was about to serve me.
This woman fawned over my cute little drawn mailing labels and stickers and complimented me. We chit-chatted about making art and how much we loved the process, and she told me about her art. When the transaction was completed, she said “Nice meeting you.”
This was a 180 degree turn around from what I had just experienced! I told the world what I wanted and what I didn’t want. And I threw what wasn’t mine back at the person and basically said, “Here. This isn’t mine, it’s yours.” I won’t put up with bad treatment.
Now I do understand that working at the post office is a very stressful job. My husband worked there for years and told me the counter was the hardest job of all. And I am always trying to understand where the other person is coming from and have compassion. But the teller expected defiance, rudeness, ignorance, and received it, by being rude! Her foul treatment passed along to me, and if I had owned her mood, caught that contagion, I would surely have passed it to many others throughout the day like a bad cold.
See it, just say No, and Yes to what you do want.
Check out my essay at Evolvingbeings.com: