It’s the gradual climb.
Driving up to Flagstaff this weekend, I often get nervous climbing up those big hills. The view is magnificent veering over the forest trees, but pulling the car up the hills feels like a force of my own will rather then the car’s. Going home, driving down is even scarier until I realized it doesn’t have to be a roller coaster. I may be the only one who thinks this, but as a sensitive, I hate that feeling of being so out of control when I zoom down a hill that I am not familiar with. If I was easy-going and didn’t mind, I would just let go and enjoy the ride careening down the hill. But being so sensitive, and aware of so many physical sensations at once, it’s a scary feeling. And then this last trip down, it dawned on me. What if I take the hill slow so it doesn’t feel like a roller coaster? Yes, everyone around me is going 75 miles and up, but what if I go slow and take it easy? I will stay in the slower lane, of course, so others can pass. The bigger metaphor? The main stress for me is when I am asked or even forced to go a rhythm that fits other people, but doesn’t me, so they are comfortable. I don’t want to be a “problem.” I want to fit in. I want to be like everyone else. But I don’t want to be treated like I have three heads because I have different needs.
I drove down the hill the other day slowly taking my time, and guess what? I was fine. The trip was even enjoyable. I looked over at my basset girl who wasn’t showing huge signs of motion sickness, and I knew I wasn’t the only one who had a problem before. My stress and fear was greatly reduced and the hills felt doable to me. I felt in control of my car. I am sure with practice and once the roads become more familiar, I will be zooming along with everyone else. But in the meantime, I am honoring myself.
This week: pay attention to your own rhythms as a true form of self-care.
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