Time for some virtual popcorn loaded with fairy dust. A little bit of advice, be sure not to drive after eating this.
2005 I started the deck. This was the first card.
I sat down with my Bestie at the time and she looked at the first sketches of the first cards and said, “This should be a deck,” because, well, she’s smart and highly intuitive.
Life got in the way. Lots of life, and lots of big stuff.
Once in my fairy castle I felt inspiration all around me, and as I healed, each card was a lesson learned.
The cards needed form so it became a calendar.
I loved the calendar although they were HUGE and I thought they would be much smaller. They were crazy hard to send out in the mail, especially to Italy and Russia. You should have saw the packages that went out. They were also HUGE. And well, I am the size of a fairy.
But I still felt an unrest. My original intention for the cards haunted me. I felt unfinished.
I received more card ideas. I took notes. Nature’s messages popped up all around and talked to me. It was fun watching each card emerge when I needed an idea. There were unexpected sunflowers and inchworm visits. Faces in trees popped out. I was regrounding on the earth. I dived down into the drawing, the color, and the passion and love I felt creating, and doing what I love to do the most.
This summer I got close to the finish line for the first time. I was determined. They needed to be born, and like all ideas that are destiny, they PERSIST. I just had to sit down and create and face all my fears and hop in.
I will let you in on a little secret. When the cards arrived I experienced an emotional roller coaster–up and down feelings. I felt such pride. I knick picked the printing. I played with them. I stared at them. I had finished this huge thing and I was in awe. I also felt such fear. I think it was vulnerability I was feeling. I was in every part of that deck. I was exposed. Would they like it? Was it enough?! Would it be helpful to others? If you ever want to go through and sift through major shit and finally clear it out and stare it in the face, finish a major project.
And now I feel that “detached” feeling you get when the project becomes part of the world and is no longer your own.
That took awhile to go through all those birthing stages in the past few weeks. And now I feel that “detached” feeling you get when the project becomes part of the world and is no longer your own. You are pushed into the next project, gently and lovingly.
The big picture lesson here? It’s worth it. It’s worth every birth pain and push. It’s worth it to have your voice and words out in the world. And they are calling to you in your day and in your sleep. Grab the courage to do it. Birth like crazy. And then do it again. Because you leave behind a legacy, you help others, and there are so many in this world that don’t take that chance. Do it for them too.