Did you ever notice that when you are shut down and contracted you can’t trust in a benevolent Universe? You don’t feel you are being taken care of. You just feel mad. And that state of being is usually connected to not being able to receive. How can you receive anything when you are curled up in a little ball?
But why did I shut down in the first place? Often, when we don’t feel we are taken care of, it’s very hard to want to give out. Lots of old buttons get pushed. When my needs aren’t heard, I often can be found screaming at my Guides, “Hey, over here! What about me!” That’s when I know my inner child’s old wounds are being activated.
Recently, I saw myself contract big time when money I had counted on wasn’t there. I panicked and threw a temper tantrum. After all, that was a source of support I could count on. That one button gets pushed and then ALL my past experiences trusting about consistency of support come up at once to replay and heal. Have you had this experience? It’s like a domino effect.
I didn’t realize how upset I was about this until the money reappeared again and I could sigh in relief. I felt better, but then I saw that this whole theme came up to heal for a reason.
I looked at consistency in my life and realized I NEED my support system to have this important aspect. I’m an earth sign and part fairy: I NEED grounding and strong foundations to feel safe enough to fly. I need support that isn’t attached to any form of shaming too, which I felt as a child. I thought about times in my life when I didn’t have a strong foundation to hold on to. I would gather those were the times I was called “flighty.”
I’m an earth sign and part fairy: I NEED grounding and strong foundations to feel safe enough to fly.
So, inconsistent support was often linked to my feeling forgotten and my needs not being heard. Yup, that sounds like how my inner child had felt.
That makes sense then, when I look to God and my Guides/Angels for support, I have the same fears with them–will they be there when I need them? Will I have decent, truthful guidance when I need it? Are my needs being heard? Do I matter?
I need to separate out the past, dysfunctional system I’ve placed onto my spiritual support. Weed out what was then and didn’t work. I can ask my Guidance for help with this and be patient with myself.
And one thing that dawned on me that is really important–if I am dealing with people or organizations that mirror the same experience I had as a child — I am going to have the same button pushed and am going to experience the same inconsistent support that I can’t rely on. That’s the time to seek out healthy support that is the opposite.