Last post, I talked about finding the right puzzle for your piece–your right fit. After I wrote that entry, I had instant validation that Prescott was indeed not the right fit for me at the time. I had sent out an announcement to my one email list about my book. An old acquaintance accidently forwarded to me a note she wrote to another friend. I obviously wasn’t supposed to get that email. She mentioned she did think I was nice gal and to check out my book, but thought I was “very flightly” at the time. Ouch! She didn’t see me back then. I’m not sure anyone in that town did. But to be fair, I was experiencing major upheaval at the time.
Sometimes, what once fit can become a lousy fit when we grow and change. How do you know you are ready to let go of something? I’ll share my feelings with my recent decision to leave a group I had belonged to.
Stage one: a growing “icky” feeling that something isn’t right.
Stage two: annoyance sets in. What once felt joyful feels heavy and uncomfortable.You might have bad experiences where you once had positive ones.
Stage three: You notice they don’t perceive things like you do, even when things seem very obvious. They don’t hear you. You have that “stuck in the cocoon too long” feeling and want to burst forth into a butterfly. Bad experiences increase or arguments. What you are noticing is your needs aren’t being met or honored.
Stage four: Crucial point: you are either able to clear things up with with communication, and the community/group/job or friend is able and willing to change and grow alongside you. You will notice this because you feel heard. They show signs of learning and understanding. They get it. You get it. Beautiful! Stop here at Stage four. This puzzle still fits.
Or, you will feel seriously uncomfortable, maybe even argumentative. They have no idea what you are talking about or maybe even that there is a problem. They aren’t ready for change, but you are. Resist the overwhelming need to teach them. They aren’t ready. They are happy where they are at. Joy is absent altogether at this point.
Stage five: the whack on the head. Your soul is pisssed you aren’t listening if you are still there. You may feel sick, or upset all the time. You might have free-flowing anxiety or anger. You try to make it work. Things will be made obvious it’s time to move on to a better fit.
Stage six: hopefully, lesson is finally learned. It just became the wrong puzzle. Allow grief for the loss. Time to find a new puzzle you fit into perfectly.