Yesterday, I received a phonecall at 8 a.m. from a salesman from a web hosting company. He was perky and happy, and I was cranky and still hadn’t had breakfast. Immediately I felt his energy as if I was getting caught up in a strong wave in the ocean–I was deep under, pressured, and overwhelmed. He asked me a great deal of questions so I didn’t have space or time to even squeak in a “not interested.” He must have been looking down at a list of notes when he said, “So, you have just the one website? Fairyonlineschool.com?” I played dumb. I had over 6 months ago dissolved that website and morphed it into this one. “Sure,” I said, but I was deeply irritated. He hadn’t done the least bit of research on my company to see what I needed and what my company was about.
“Wouldn’t you love to have a company go over your site and make sure you have the right key words, etc.?” Now, I hate all that left brain marketing stuff. (Yes, some of it is necessary.) It may work for some companies, but I explained, “I have a very niche business with a specific audience and I seem to be reaching them. I need to do more of what I’ve been doing.”
“Yes, of course…” He went on and on not hearing me.
This pissed me off more. Here I am in a business that specializes in hearing people and even hearing the layers underneath of people, and all I could feel was that used car salesman mentality: he just wanted to make the sale and get the car off the lot. Who cares if a month ahead I’d find that the radiator leaks and the starter sucks and I’m miserable with the car?
I’ve met this personality before outside of business, and I’m sure you have, and it’s irritating and upsetting. The question that comes to mind is, “where are my needs even in this picture?!” As empaths, we are so used to feeling others’ needs and wanting to help and please, maybe we even forget we have any needs in the first place! The salesman comes along to give you a gentle or not so gentle reminder: Oops, I forgot my needs again! Oh man, again? So focused on others, we get lost in the pleasing tornado. We are supremely juicy to a salesman when we are out of balance. We will buy that lemon car and be resentful and pissy for months, or even years.
We are supremely juicy to a salesman when we are out of balance.
The antidote is to know and state your needs, instead of ignoring them, or do what I do, which is whine and be bitchy when my needs are forgotten along the line. I suggest using what I call the EMMA LOU METHOD. Now there’s the Sedona Method and a bunch of others, but this one really works. When Emma Lou, my basset hound, has a need and wants to get her need met she:
a. puts her head in my hands gently to instigate a petting when she needs it
b. jumps up and sits on my lap when she needs attention
c. is naughty and steals food to get my attention
I don’t recommend the aggressive “c” tactic as it’s almost as bad and aggressive as the used car salesman technique. Tactic “a” is a nice one that simply states I need this and it’s up to you if you can give it to me or not. This is a great way to make your needs known while respecting others’ needs. Most humans can not use tactic “b” as it falls under the category of “awkward.”
Try it out. See how it works for you. I’m sure I will come up with a workshop and a best-selling book on the method, and then I will surely need an aggressive used-car salesman personality to sell it for me. Your phone may be ringing soon.
To read more posts visit my new website’s Sensitive Artist blog here. and do check out my Help! I’m Sensitive book series there.