I’ve been instructed to use the White Pansy essence I’ve made for dealing with issues of trust. Since I arrogantly expect my clients to use the essences I recommend, I concluded I needed to listen to my own guidance and take the suggestion.
What’s the deal with trust? Why is it so hard to trust that things will work out and the Divine will take care of things when we are faced with tough circumstances that, logically, would make no sense for us to trust in the good?
Day one of taking White Pansy flower essence. I felt my bitter thoughts rise to the surface. I had reason not to trust. I had a long list created in the past few years. Spirit tells me that I often take on others’ faults that are not my own. This makes no sense to me or why this message is relevant to trusting.
Day two. I was journalling like a crazy-flowing pen nut. Insights rose alongside the nasty bitter thoughts. I wasn’t feeling Miss Spiritual at that moment. Not Miss Positive or the teacher I came here to be. It was ugly–I was releasing.
Day three. Things began to shift. I felt more hopeful about life. I was seeing the little ways my Guides helped me every day and I could trust that guidance. If I needed something, it came about.
That morning I unloaded my sadness on my one pal and recalled a time of high stress trauma last year when I lived off my birthday cake for months. I think it was the sugar high I was using to cope with. It started to get a little gross, and my friend shared with me, that at the time, she thought I was eating that cake probably beyond when it was still edible. We laughed about this and I told her I secretly was craving birthday cake at the moment and would love to have some.
Later I walked the girls around the neighborhood, and Danny, my neighbor, came over and told me it was his birthday and they were having a party. Would I like some birthday cake?
Perhaps this is a story of the shelf life of cake and when to throw it out, or instant validation that I am being taken care of and can trust that, even when I feel that this world is ignoring me and what I need.
Day four. Things shift in my head. I am reminded of all the times outside world looked really bad but was asked by guidance and intuition to trust in the good. I am shown, again, how I am led and taken care of, but still I wonder, why then, was bad things allowed to happen in my life? Where people acting badly were allowed to stay ignorant? What about that? I am in a battle in my head and it’s scary. Which side will win?
Day five. Meltdown. The healing crisis. My loved-one is going through a recurring theme lesson which I relate to. Finally, the floodgates open with a good cry. It’s a bigger lesson here for me. A huge insight comes through: that throughout my lifetime, when bad things happened or went wrong I was too quick as an empath to jump in and take the fault–think it was something wrong with me. What I saw in my life was often others allowing me to do so or “passing the buck” when they screwed up.
When I was born, I came in with a messed-up stomach. My parents couldn’t fix it and the doctors said I’d just outgrow it. Not a great deal was done for me as I was usually in continuous discomfort. I think in that moment I felt I couldn’t trust “out there.” They let me down. I was allowed to suffer. That was too hard as a child to face, so I coped by taking it on–it was my fault in some way. I was defective. That’s what kids often believe and do. Making it your fault you can do something about it, or perhaps, create order where the outside order makes no sense or isn’t fair.
My parents and the doctors may have thrown it on me in frustration, and they did care about what I needed, but it was just their ignorance–not knowing other answers or solutions at that time.
I’ve been working through this one issue, henceforth the repeat lessons:
I think about the time Sarah had her inner ear problem and the vet said she had a major neurological issue which would need thousands of dollars of tests and would get much worse. She told me not to feel bad if I had to put her to sleep! She threw Predisone at her which made her wired and sick. My friend, Cheryl, a naturopathic doctor brought new solutions. She gave Sarah homeopathy and bowen work and although Sarah tilts a little to the right, she does fabulous now. I trusted my intuition and my guidance, and communications from Sarah, that said she’d be fine even though the picture the vet game me differed. I looked for a different answer.
What is harder to heal and what made it hard for me to trust is the last few years when a system created to support families screwed up over and over and wanted to throw it on the family. Cries were not heard. Mistake after mistake. Cover up after cover up of their mistakes. Once again, we were allowed to suffer, and things went horribly wrong. That’s the system here. I will not this time take on the blame. The bottom line is, they are ignorant. They don’t know other answers, like the doctors and the vet, and sadly, they aren’t willing to find them.
So, I am being ignorant when I don’t see there are other answers outside the box and I simply accept “reality.” That’s what I do when I don’t trust Spirit or my guidance and I don’t even fathom there are other solutions that Spirit can create that I don’t know about yet.
I need to grieve those times I was let down and trusted as a small child and as an adult. I’ve being shown this is the block that is in the way of me believing again. The flower has done her job as I shift slowly into more a place of balance by having new answers and then new understanding.
I am still a “show me and prove it” kind of person. The flower can’t change that. I don’t blindly believe. I need to see and hear validation, so that is how Spirit will work with me…for now, until I automatically trust and always look for new answers.
I share this with you because many are going through a greater issue of trust as the world changes and purges all around us, and each of us has our own reasons or experiences that block why we trust in the good. I also wanted to demonstrate how the flower essences work with us to heal. This beautiful flower, a piece of Nature, assisted me in finding out where this issue came from in me. Boy, I really love flower essences! (Okay, my Guides helped too. 🙂 )
Find new answers, Dear one, that this world can’t give you.
White Pansy is available on my Flower Essences for the Sensitive page for purchase, if you feel guided for help in trusting at this time. I am also here to act as translator for your Guides’ assistance.