How much of our lives are spent trying to fit into others’ concepts of who we are or should be, when we are a different animal altogether.
What if there is a map inside of us of where to go?
I’m re-reading Martha Beck’s FINDING YOUR OWN NORTH STAR. She talks of the signs you experience when you are moving away from your essential self and more towards your social self. I’ve experienced this phenomenon recently when I tell myself I have to do something. Nothing seems to work out on that path.
In the next chapter she talks of signs where we are heading toward our own north star and the clues to find which way that is.
If I list the times in the last few months when I felt that passionate rush build inside me these are the inner directions or map:
- I loved the recent ghost tour I took with the Wild Boomer Women meetup group. I wasn’t as interested in the history speeches as I don’t think I learn that way–audibly. I’m visual and hand-on. During long speeches, I actually exhibit very ADD-like symptoms, with some part of my body moving in some way. It’s been a long time since I felt that much excitement and energy moving through my body as we walked the streets of Jerome and the old high school. I was living one of my passions, registering energy, picking up the stories.
- I love Project Runway and I am not ashamed to say so. Seeing the textures, the colors, the designing process, all fill my head with such joy. (Ignoring the obvious nasty cattiness.) Not since the Ghost hunter’s series have I been so completely addicted to television.
- Spending time with my animals. Last night I fell asleep to Sarah putting her sweet beagle head on my stomach and Emma Lou snuggled close next to me on the other side of me. It was a bit on the warm side, but I felt so completely loved, important, and wanted. Pure bliss. I used to love doing professional animal communication when the animal was in front of me and we could literally roll around the floor as we “talked.” No wonder why I burn-out when I switched to all phone readings.
- Writing my blog. What better way to teach what I have learned than to tell my stories.
- I finally got to sit in my yard yesterday. It’s been terribly hot or terribly rainy lately. My squash plant is huge and overflowing. There’s new flowers coming up everywhere. When I am in Nature, I feel myself again. I am also in awe. There is so much to see. So much to explore.
What do all these have in common? For my essential self, being hands-on–seeing, feeling, being with–is my bliss. Anything more removed will only make me unhappy.
Where have you seen even the small glimpses of your inner passion, and therefore, your essential self peeking through? What is the common thread between the clue? There’s your map.